Citrus & Buttercream

A quick hello before I collapse in front of the TV with DH tonight! Spent the day running errands and on and off the phone dealing with an old, old, old doctor's bill/insurance issue. It was resolved (huzzah!), but now I'm drained and ready for mindless entertainment (YLF is very entertaining but never mindless). 

For today's errands, I wore my trusty white jeans. I was so scared to put them in the wash, because I normally use the freezer method to try and preserve my denim. That isn't possible, though, with the white jeans; they actually get visibly dirty, whereas my blue ones don't show grime at all. Thankfully, they washed well. They're a bit stiff after air-drying, but they're softening as I wear them. 

I liked yesterday's citron outfit a lot more until I saw the pics. I don't know why the jacket looks like it's bulging around my but area, but it didn't look that way in the mirror... Oh, well, that is the price I pay for taking my photos outdoors when it is too late to change! Maybe next time I'd leave the jacket open. 

Studded tank - YLF Swap Party
True Religion Cameron jeans - Ebay
Studded belt - flea market
Cristina handbag - TJ Maxx, ancient gift from Mom
Worishofer sandals - Hm, I can't remember where I got those! 
Hollister citron jacket - DIY via Ebay
True Religion destroyed Cameron jeans - Amazon
Report Marks booties - Amazon
Zella tote - Flea market
Spy sunglasses - Ebay

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Day to Night, the Rae Way

The pics are reversed (wanted the night outfit as my blog cover photo), but now that I look at them, I think most people would wear them in the opposite order as I did, anyway! 

For daytime at work, I wore my shiny Gibson blazer over a black asymmetrical tunic and gray Really Skinny trousers. Initially chose black shoes, but once again I felt that the Report booties gave more of a Spring feeling by approximating a bare-skinned look. I liked the outfit, but it was SO very uncomfortable to work in - I felt like I was wearing plastic all day. Trying to decide whether to keep it to wear over party dresses or purge. Ugh, me and my issues with breathability...

To go grab some dinner with DH, I changed into a more casual and comfy jacket but kept the rest the same. I initially questioned whether the highly-embellished jacket was still "me," but I like it over plain, simple items like these. Plus, I have to love that unlined, 100% cotton fabrication!

Gibson metallic cutaway blazer - Nordstrom
Three Dots tee - flea market
Gap Really Skinny pants - flea market
Report Marks booties - Amazon
Victoria's Secret 4-in-1 jacket - Ebay
Zella nylon tote bag - flea market

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Masters of the Universe

Post and run, but at least I took a photo today! Between the galaxy dress and my tiger necklace, I'm reminded of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Hopefully my tiger is a Battlecat and not a Cringer. ;-)

Trauma, Mental Age, and Style Evolution: Musings on the Healing Power of Clothes

Those of you who have followed my posts for a while have probably noticed that they have been much less frequent since my workplace was burgled. The incident involved various types of violence, and I have been diagnosed with PTSD (it feels really weird to say that when the same diagnosis is applied to war veterans, but I'm not the professional) and put on a few medications, but those things haven't in themselves stopped me from posting. The bigger issue is that I feel this event has altered me as a person - and as a different person, my previous style no longer fits. I'm adrift and in flux, shedding old clothes like old skin. 

Mental Time Warp
I always felt that I was an old soul, but my body and mind felt young. I've only had two serious boyfriends. I only started travelling out of the country after college. I simply had not experienced that much outside of novels - and I can see now that my style reflected a lot of that innocence. Yes, I still dressed for an impending apocalypse - but I did so with flair! and short shorts! and Forever 21! And now many of the things I loved feel silly and twee on me. As Deb put it in a recent message, I feel grown. Aged. Mentally shocked with a streak of white hair. Nothing like a brush with death to suck the whimsey out of your closet, I guess. Maybe it will come back one day but, for now, it is how it is. 

Disease of Avoidance
My doctor calls PTSD a disease of avoidance - the mind wants to avoid the bad memories at all costs and becomes agitated when it can't. So in relation to my wardrobe, beyond the fact that I feel I've outgrown some things, I also can't stand to look at others. The coat I was wearing during the attack, for example, is still 100% my style and able to be worn in a mature way... but as much as I love it, I also harbor a bit of hatred for it. Poor coat! It's just a coat, yet I seem to be angry that all it did was lay in a pile with everyone else's coats. I am hanging onto it but may just have to sell it in the end. Even items that had nothing to do with that night are being purged, because they belonged to that person - the victim. Sometimes I think I want to sell it all, move away, and start a whole new life as a whole new (stronger, safer) person.

Change and Control
If being angry at a piece of clothing sounds weird... immediately after the incident, I would fly off the handle if someone suggested eggs in the morning. Mybreakfastismychoicegoshdarnitandhowdareyoutakethatawayfromme! Well. I'm not quite that sensitive anymore, but I do set out to make my own mark. I chopped off all my hair. I sold things. I bought new things. I've always loved shopping but, wow, does it ever feel great to buy new stuff now! I think this must be how some people create behavioral addictions, and I need to watch out for that since I do have a history of hoarding in my family. But. I will watch out for that later. For now, I like - and I choose - to feel in control. 

Retail and Rebirth
After all this talk of aging and avoidance and hoarding, you may be wondering where the healing comes in. I have always felt that style and identity are closely intertwined and that I never feel great about myself unless my clothes accurately describe who I am inside. So the theory - the hope - that I (sometimes subconsciously) work under is that editing my style will help strengthen my soul. Every day that I put thought into curating my closet and dressing myself helps reinforce the basic fact that I am still here. I still have a living body to dress. I still have a choice in how to dress it. I still have a job and a choice in how to spend my money. I can change my look - and my outlook. With a little time, effort, and therapy (retail and otherwise). 

I'm sorry I haven't been here as much and haven't given as much attention to all of your lovely posts. I am distracted and depressed and a little selfish right now. But I don't think I will always be that way. :)


Working today, but made it out to the chiropractor in a casual outfit first. Went for some old wide legs and a simple tee. For work, I changed to a new "dupe" of my Gibson blazer. It is a different brand from Modcloth, but the small is exactly like the Gibson xs. Yay! Worn with my sentimental galaxy oxfords for physical and mental comfort. There is a lot of shopping going on today - looks like some of you Moms are going to be in for a treat tomorrow!

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Mad Plaid-er

A quick hello from the lunch room! My mom and sister both had to go get credits at JC Penny and I ended up with this pale yellow scarf. Normally don't go near the color, but I think the black in the print and the citron top brighten it up. Comfy boots for a long shift. :-)

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On a Pale Horse(shoe)

Back in the saddle wearing my True Religions (with signature horseshoe pockets) yet again. This time I paired them with a darker top, because I wanted to be cool yet covered for the impending in-between weather. Finished with my old banking bag and Hawaiian Heritage jewelry in honor of my mom. The first is a necklace that spells LOVE in cutouts, and the second is actually Mom's wedding ring, handed down after the divorce.

We had great weather and great food today! We ate at the restaurant where my sister works, and she recommended all the tastiest things. Thank goodness this linen sweater was another $1 flea market orphan, because I promptly splattered it with some oily pasta sauce at my mom's birthday lunch.  Sigh... the important thing is that the white jeans are ok. Oh, and that Mom had a good time on her birthday. ;) 

Allsaints linen sweater - $1 at flea market
Studded belt - flea market
True Religion "Cameron" jeans - Ebay
Cognac bag - Ebay
Report "Marks" booties - Amazon
Hawaiian jewelry - gifts from Mom

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WIW: Complete with body this time!

Third day of new meds and got to see Dr. Shrink today. It rained super hard last night, so I was hoping for more showers today... as you can see, we got plenty of sun instead. At least there was a cool breeze to keep things from feeling too summery (I'm sure we will get plenty of summer weather eventually). On the plus side, I had enough time and enough light for a real outfit pic!

Wearing a Three Dots top that never sold on Ebay and thus was appropriated as part of my wardrobe. I like the way the break in the stripes sort of creates the illusion of a more narrow torso. Paired with super baggy Old Navy BF jeans and a hoodie since I could not be bothered to give up any comfort this morning. Topped off with new sunglasses I finally had to give in and buy since the PD still has mine in evidence. :T

Spy sunglasses - Ebay
Three Dots tee - $1 at flea market
Streets Ahead belt - flea market
Dana Buchman bag - flea market
Tie Dye hoodie - flea market
Old Navy BF jeans - Old Navy
Report Marks booties - Amazon

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Hide the Lightning

Another Slacker Outfit Post, sorry ladies! It's been a busy time at the store with Mothers Day fast approaching, then my own Mother's Day is also fast approaching, I finally tried the medication Dr. Shrink suggested, and my car battery died. And the dog ate my camera. ;)

#1 was worn today, and it's a spin-off of Angie's nostalgic tee formula! I started with this Metallica: Ride the Lightning banner and wore it muffler/bandana style as a scarf over my signature color tee and simple Really Skinny trousers. Light boots to fake more exposed skin and balance with the exposed arms. A few older ladies liked how I tied my "scarf" but, thankfully, no one guessed my little secret.

Yesterday was especially gloomy and cool, so I wore my now-trusty Danier. I love how bootcuts balance out the bold collar, so I went with Sloans again. The underlayer was a neglected $1 flea market find in another signature color. Thought about my white booties with this but ultimately felt the outfit couldn't handle another statement piece. Toying with the idea of maybe limiting myself to 1 or 2 "interesting" items per outfit... 

Banana Republic mixed media top - Banana Republic
Metallica banner - $1 at flea market
Gap Really Skinny pants - Ebay
Report Marks booties - Amazon
Nixon watch - $1 at flea market

Young Fabulous and Broke lurex tank - $1 at flea market
Danier leather jacket - Danier
Dr. Martens Marcie boots - Shoebuy
Banana Republic Sloan pants - Banana Republic
Zella tote - flea market

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Backdrops & Backlogs

I uploaded a lot of my closet to Pinterest and Polyvore, hoping to keep better track of what I own and the options that I have. I was pretty pleased at how many pics I could find of my items without pulling everything out of the closet for a massive photography session. 

Incidentally, I also had a helluva time taking outfit pictures this week. It's too hot (and I'm too lazy) to recreate all the ensembles, so I threw together some conveniently easy Polyvore sets instead. As you can see, I am still loving my black blazer and white jeans! And just think: I was initailly reluctant to buy these basics.

I suppose I have enough interesting things that it finally felt "okay" to spend $ on backdrop items. I no longer fear that basics will leave me looking too mainstream for my personality, because I know my boots, belts, trench, and prints hold their own in the gruffly quirky department. It's a good feeling! 

Buying statement pieces first goes against most suggestions on how to build a wardrobe, and it isn't the most economical strategy when it comes to time - but it worked for me. Kind of like buying the painting before the frame. 

Only... I have a good amount of paintings, so I might need some more frames!

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